Lack of confidence is one of the worst things, if not THE worst thing to ever enter a human’s mind.

Once you’ve caught the infectious lack of confidence bug, it’s a hell of a journey trying to get it back.

You have to search high and low for it, travel far and wide; it takes weeks, months, even years to get it back.

In my case, it took me two whole boring years to finally track him down.

Yes confidence for me is a must. I consider him more of a brother to me. A beautiful sibling that occasionally goes on holidays.

At the moment in this present time, he is with me.

Even through what I’ve been through the past year, for some reason he hasn’t gone any where and if anything, has grown stronger. Strange I know, but I am not complaining.

Story time: In the year 2012, fresh out of the Australian Institute of Sport, I decided to dye my hair blonde. Oops sorry, off topic, where were we?

I was a little baby, 19 years of age, my future was bright, oh so bright that I needed shades! I had the world at my feet.

Sara Blicavs

Literally, because I was Earthing (if no one knows what Earthing is, please await my future post on happiness and you will understand) I always had potential in my sport of basketball.

I was super athletic, super energetic and a very enthusiastic player that just wanted to learn. Every coaches dream. I did well in my years at the Institute, having two decent WNBL seasons and I started becoming a more consistent and even slightly, a more dominant player in this league.

That year, I won the top scorer award for SEABL (I know, ball hog!) I also managed to be apart of the All Star team.

After thinking long and hard, I decided to sign with the Dandenong Rangers for the 12/13 season.

This was a massive deal for me, my first official contract and I had never been more excited over something in a very long time.

Don’t ask how, but I managed to receive player of the match for my first ever WNBL game against the Melbourne Boomers. Things were looking up.

It wasn’t until the mid point of the season that things started to take a turn.

There were a few factors: Players looking down on me, players deciding to be quite condescending and talking to me like a child and then even deciding to not pass me the ball.

Coaching decisions, constantly getting subbed off for one missed shot, it was just a massive toy on my emotions.

Going from being super positive to super negative in a click of a finger.

I’m not weak either, I held on to my happiness in the sport for so long, but one day, it all just hit me.

I couldn’t hack it anymore, I couldn’t be bothered, I didn’t want to be there, I hated basketball!

When you have lost your confidence and are still doing something you don’t want to do, it is incredibly tough (it still makes me sad thinking about this time of my life, one of the times I’ve truly felt sorry for myself).

Sara Blicavs

After I finally got through the season, got through my millions and millions of tears and got away from the sport I once so immensely loved, I had to have a serious think about my future.

I knew at that time this was the end for me, I had spoken with a netball coach to potentially join forces with the Melbourne Vixens, I didn’t want to play basketball anymore and I was excited to move on.

It came down to my SEABL Geelong Supercats contract which, at this stage, was all up in the air.

If it didn’t work out, I was quitting basketball, if it ended up happening, then I was going to stick it out.

It ended up coming through, I unwillingly signed the dotted line, packed up my things and moved down the coast to live with my brother.

I didn’t enjoy basketball for the next year or so. I was bored, unhappy, I wasn’t doing any extra work or really putting in any effort and I found I wasn’t even playing well, or at least to my potential.

It was a pretty crappy time for me. Yet, for some reason I signed with Bendigo Spirit for the next two WNBL seasons and also kept playing for Geelong during Winter.

It wasn’t until I realised that maybe ‘subconsciously,’  I was still playing for a reason.

If I hated basketball, why was I still signing contracts? Why was I still attending trainings day in and day out? Then my mindset changed. I thought, ‘if I’m still going to play, I may as well start working on my skills and start becoming a better player.

For me, being the competitive player that I am, I thought that there wasn’t any point in going through season to season and be a 10th, 11th, 12th ‘wo’man.

I should try and make it at least worth while. It still took some time, but every training session got better and better and the love for basketball was starting to blossom again.

Gosh I thank myself every day for changing my mindset to a positive, worth while one.

I had to look back on why I started this sport? What was it about the sport that you enjoyed the most? AND, the most important one, what would you be doing instead?

What would you do once you’ve finished? For me, basketball was my life. I’m too active to have a day job, my attention span couldn’t hack sitting down on a computer all day and I enjoy constantly being fit and active.

The quote I love revisiting: ‘If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change! 

I took the good out of my situation (a lot like my injury), I put myself in only the happiest of environments (I lift when I’m happy and in this case, always play better when I’m happy) and I started doing activities other than basketball.

Surfing, drawing, writing, creating, going to the footy, anything to keep my mind active and anything to have an outlet from basketball.

Even though I’ve never told him, moving to Geelong and living with Mark was one of the best things for me.

It was so nice to have someone who makes you laugh 24/7 and to have someone to look out for you and most importantly,  keep your mind off things.  He isn’t very supportive (low blow), but, I still know he has my back and only wants the best for me… I think?

Once I found my happiness I became motivated. I enjoyed basketball again and then the want to become something in this sport overwhelmed my mind and body.

I started to have drive again, I became my young keen bean self. I may have ruined things for myself back in the years 2013-15, delayed my optimal developing years, potentially ruined my chances for any Australian gigs in the future, but everything in life happens for a reason.

I don’t regret the way I felt at all. If anything, it has made me a better person and a better basketballer. You need to go through being incredibly sh*t to become great. That’s just life.

This is just my story. What I went through and how everyone goes through something similar.

Sara x